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Home » Articles » Ask the Babe
A reader asks: How do I find a doctor who supports me, not judges me?
Editrix's Note: Ask the Babe is written by members of our Babe Advisory Board, who field questions according to their experience. The Babe Advisory Board is made up of real women with real experiences as ChronicBabes - not medical experts.
A reader asks:
My mysterious chronic illness has turned previously trusted doctors into near-enemies who disregard my symptoms as purely psychological. The prospect of finding new doctors is too overwhelming. Most organizations will not “recommend” a physician so as not to accept any liability. Plus, trying to explain the confusing array of tests and doctors’ reports that is my “medical history” at the beginning of a new appointment is almost impossible. What can you do to get your old and new doctors to support you rather than judge you?
The Babe responds:
Diseases that take a long time to diagnose (in my case, four years of tests before diagnosis of cervical spondylosis and fibromyalgia) can definitely leave you feeling crazy. Honestly, it seems that no matter how optimistic you are, some doctors will always be able to make you squirm! However, I think I have found some good tactics that can help you figure out really quickly if your doctor will indeed be in your corner.
First, don’t put to much stock in reputation. I have seen some of the “best” doctors in their fields and they have sucked ass! Even the best surgeon is not necessarily going to know how to help you if you don’t want surgery…and most likely they won’t say so. It’s up to you to know your doctor’s strengths (e.g. surgery, alternative therapies, conservative, aggressive, etc.). Do some research on the internet so you can ask questions about how your doctor practices and what your treatment options might be.
Second, in my opinion, when it comes to chronic illness, “bedside manner” is almost as important as field expertise. What you really want is a doctor who is willing to listen, take you seriously, research new ideas, and take the time to answer your questions (or refer you to someone with more expertise if needed). Experts with good bedside manner do exist…but they can be exceedingly hard to find! Get recommendations and check out the renowned docs in the area of your illness -- but always know that an interview is the only way to see if a doctor is all they’re cracked up to be.
Finally, be prepared. Before going to any new doctor, I type out a one-page synopsis of my history. I include tests and results, meds, and symptoms (I prioritize and categorize these so I can give a coherent message). I make it very concise and easy to read. At the beginning of the session I ask that my new doc read this paper first…if he/she refuses or says they work better orally, I stand my ground and tell them that I’ve worked very hard on the paper, that my condition is complex, and that I would be glad to talk about my history after they have read the document. If they still refuse…I walk out!
I have tested this one time and time again, and even when I try to work with docs who have refused to read my history, it always bites me in the ass at a later date. This is also true with docs I have tried to hold on to after it is clear they do not believe in me and will not work with me to further explore treatment options. It helps if you realize that just because you go to a doctor, he/she will not necessarily become YOUR doc. There are millions of great doctors and just because you walk out on one doesn’t mean you will have a black mark on your permanent record.
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P.S. - a disclaimer: We do our best to provide accurate information, but ChronicBabe.com is not meant as a substitute for professional medical care, diagnosis or treatment. Please consult your health care provider before embarking on any new treatment. Read our whole disclaimer here.
Posted: 7/2/2005 in Ask the Babe
